The Death Eaters At Hogwarts
by VoldemortsLemming
Summary: A very OOC Dark lord and his minions, go back to Hogwarts in a disguise, in an attempt to kill Harry Potter for good.....
1. Chapter 1

**Disclamer**: J K Rowling's amazing characters pulled out the books and put in different outfits. I own nothing!

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Give me a pen, some paper and extreme boredom for 2 hours and this is what happens! (if you like this please check out Flashyfirebird's 'Death Eaters Are Us' which is what inspired me)

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"Now", announced Voldemort over lunch, "after giving it some thought, i finely have come up with the plan mwhahahaha..."

"Whatever", Bella interrupted, tuning back to her food.

Voldemort snapped back to his senses, "stop interrupting me you cheeky little cheeky monkey thing ... ANYWAY! As i was saying before i was so _**RUDELY**_ interrupted, i thought that we should all go back to Hogwarts!"

This information was not treated with much respect, in fact it seemed that none of the death eaters had taken any of it in at all.

"What in Merlin's name?" Exclaimed Snape. Voldemort looked around the room at his followers blank faces.

"In a disguise you blunderbusses!" He said in a tone which suggested that even a baby of two should understand him. "Now Bella i would like it if you could shave your hair ..."

"Pardon?" Bellatrix stuttered, starring at him with a look of disgust on her face.

"you _**WILL**_ shave your hair", Voldemort pointed his wand at her as if daring her to challenge him.

"This cant get any worse", thought Bella

"no wait! I have a better plan", Bella's face brightened as he said this, "Wormtail can do it for you! (Bellatrix cursed under her breath.)

"And then", Voldemort continued enthusiastically, "Wormtail will make it into a wig for me and i will have Bella's robes and she will have mine, thus switching roles!"

"What is the point of that exactly?" Wormtail asked innocently.

Voldemort stopped laughing, "Stop ruining the moment!"

Wormtail fell silent

"Now Snape can switch roles with Wormtail and the others get into pairs and start dyeing, shaving and stretching etc...etc...etc..."

The room burst into loud protest's, then Bella announced, "What if we do do your disguise idea, just forget the switching roles part, and the shaving of course!"

Voldemort coughed, "I was getting to that bit ..."

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Bellatrix was walking down the street in a pair of dark blue joggers and a light blue sports bra. Her hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail.

She looked over at the Dark lord who was wearing a long, and extremely frilly dress. He was currently skipping along singing, 'come on baby light my fire', blond plats swinging gaily on each side.

Snape on the other hand had drawn the short straw and was wearing bright orange hot pants and a fluorescent pink boob-tube, his greasy hair was scraped into two uneven pigtails.

The other death eaters in random outfits brought up the rear. Presently they all stopped outside a small rundown railway station.

"I suppose we get on here then do we?" asked our most 'intelligent' -cough cough- dark lord.

"Yes but you know we could just disapparate..." Snape sighed, he had been trying to make that suggestion for over two hours now but as always, they ignored him. He suddenly wondered why he stayed on the dark side...

"Good!" said Voldemort, "excellent in fact, we shall get on here!" and he clambered into the waiting train.

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2 hours later the annoying mechanical voice announced "Next stop, kings cross station!"

Voldemort stirred and his eyes flickered open. He looked around him, then noticing that all his minions were starring at him, promptly tried to hide the fact that he was sucking his thumb, by sitting up too fast and colliding painfully with Wormtail's humongous head.

Wormtail staggered around the compartment, and it wasn't until he finely proposed to the ticket collector, that he was brought back to his sense's with a thud.

The ticket collector stormed off just as the train slowed down to a stop and the death eaters got off.

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And that is what comes of 2 hours boredom! you don't have to review if you don't want to but its always appreciated

Mysti aka 'Wax'


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** All belongs to J K Rowling.

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**The Train Journey

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OK sorry its been sooooooooooo long but you see i have to get hyper before i can add more XD Anyway this chapter is finely up and sorry about the candy. (i went a bit OTT)

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Once on the platform, Voldemort and his minions walked over to the barrier between platform 9 and three quarters.

"Now everyone look casual," he whispered.

"That's gonna be easy," Snape said

"Good good," Voldemort answered, not noticing Snape's sarcasm. Bellatrix, who had been boogieing to some nearby music, looked up,

"So who's going first?"

"_**IM**_ going first of course," Voldemort practically shouted. All faces turned to stare at the Dark Lord with plaits. He turned to them,

"Well what would _**you**_ say if one of your Death eaters tried to cross the barrier to platform 9 and three quarters before you?"

No one dared or even bothered to tell him that most of the people there where muggles and most likely had no idea what he was talking about. Voldemort pushed Bellatrix roughly aside and in full view, stepped across the barrier. The other Death eaters hastily crowded through after there master, not waiting to see the reaction of the muggles watching outside.

Voldemort and his minions blended in with the crowd as well as they could and very soon people were staring and pointing. Mothers where scooping up there children and pulling there prams out of the way of these 'weird men in drag'.

"Take that ridiculous look off your face." Voldemort spat at Snape, whilst grinning hungrily at a passing 2nd year.

After a lot of persuasion and pushing from the Death eaters, Voldemort eventually stepped onto the Hogwarts express, where they had planned to stay crouched under the window, and only emerge when the train had started moving safely along its way. This they carried out somehow, until Voldemort was sure that all the waving, smiling families were out of sight and it was safe to come out. They clambered up and after half collapsing again because of cramp, they each made their way to a seat and sat down. The door of the compartment slid open and the lady with the trolley poked her head around the corner. After giving them all a weird look, she spoke,

"Anything off the trolley erm ...dears?" She smiled strangely at them as she talked.

"**CANDY!!!!!**"

Voldemort almost knocked her over in his hurry to get at the E-numbers; Wormtail following shortly after him. Together they practically raided the whole trolley bare.

"Five Gallons, two Knuts for that lot."

"But i don't have any money" Voldemort protested.

"Then you don't have any candy either." She said, snatching it back. The Dark Lord turned away, crossing his arms childishly.

"But i want candy."

"Well you ain't' getting any of _mine_!" She snapped and stormed off slamming the door so hard that the pains of glass wobbled dangerously. Wormtail sighed.

"She didnt wait to see if _**i**_ had any money."

"Who would?" Said Bellatrix unkindly, disappointed about having no candy.

"Now now ... stop arguing." Snape stopped short, then added under his breath, "i was about to say children ... heh."

"You **WHAT**!" Yelled Voldemort Avada kedavrishly.

"Oh um ... nothing." Snape muttered.

"Good, i thought you almost called me immature for a minute, sorry about that." Voldemort calmed down.

"That wouldn't be too hard." came a voice from somewhere over by the door region.

"Ah Potter ... um ... i thought you would drop by sometime." Voldemort stuttered before turning to whisper to Bellatrix, "i thought you said he would be at Hogwarts ..."

"He will be, but he has to get there first." came the reply

"Oh right thanks for telling me ... not." Voldemort turned back to Harry, Ron and Hermione, "look you're not supposed to be here yet, go away!"

... Laughter ...

"Its not funny."

... more laughter ...

Fortunately for the worlds favourite Dark Lord, the train started to slow down and a gaggle of excited students came pushing down the corridor, towards the exit. The compartment door slid shut and the Death eaters heaved a sigh of relieve. Now all they had to do was to get off this train without being noticed too much ...

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its very OOC but oh well, meh! R+R

Mysti AKA Wax


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** i do not own Harry Potter

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Well i'm not too sure about this chapter but i have done as much as i can to make it better so i just hope you enjoy.

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"Right, its all clear, no one make a sound!" He announced at the top of his voice.

"Here we go again," Snape sighed

"Now, plan A, part 1, page 5: Stick to your disguises" Voldemort said extra loudly, snapping the Usborne book of evil plots closed so hard that his long plaits blew away. All the death Eaters dived to catch the blond wig, but it missed them by inches and landed with a plop on the surprised head of Wormtail. He looked up and the wig promptly fell off.

"What shall we do with it?"Wormtail asked Snape in an undertone, after picking it up and waving it dangerously under his colleges nose. Snape smirked,

"_You_ can have the honor of putting it back, since it kindly landed on _your_ head"

Meanwhile oblivious to all this, Lord Voldemort tucked the Usborne book of evil plots safely away in his petticoat and after peeking around the door again for the onehunderedth time, crashed his way through the train and out onto the platform.

"**NOW WHICH WAY IS IT AGAIN? I HAVNT BEEN HERE FOR SO LONG**"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" Bellatrix whispered, tiptoeing over to her master, "keep your voice down or you might"...

"**HOW **_**DARE**_** YOU TELL ME TO KEEP MY VOICE DOWN!!!! I AM YOUR MASTER, **_**I**_** GIVE THE INSTRUTIONS HERE, NOT YOU!**"

..."Wake someone up, come on, quickly, lets get out of here!"

The other Death Eaters followed her down the path, through the Hogwarts gates and into the grounds.

"Humph, keep my voice down indeed," grumbled the evilest man on earth "Humfrey...still, at lest you didn't tell me to 'shut up' or anything"

The death eaters all turned to Voldemort,

"SHUT UP!" they whispered.

"Stop being so mean you big meanies! i might not invite you to my party now!"

"Tempting not to take that offer," whispered Snape, "but i just don't have the heart to tell him!" Snape's voice fell, "what are you looking at?"

Bellatrix, who had been staring at Snape for the last ten minutes suddenly jumped up.

"I HAVE IT!,"

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"i have a plan to get us into Hogwarts..._Snape can go and knock on the door_, you know these people way better then we do _and_ it wont look too suspicious."

"no no no...shhhhhhh...it wont work...and next time be quite otherwise _he_ might hear you!"

"What was that?" Voldemort asked, turning around to look at Bellatrix who sighed. and repeated what she had just said.

"Good idea, i think i would have thought of it myself if you had given me time to think!" Voldemort said after she had repeated herself several times.

Snape saw that he had no choice but to do it know. He gave Bellatrix a very black look and then set off towards the door. From their vantage point in the pumpkin patch the Death eaters watched him bound over to the huge front doors and knock very loudly. The door opened and they saw a very familiar face.

"Good evening Severus!" came the prim voice of professor Mcgonagall, "I thought you had joined up with the dark lord?"

"Damn!" came the voice of Snape, then they heard running footsteps, and Snape's big head appeared in the bushes, "oops...ahem...it...er...wasn't me?!" he grinned.

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Well i hope you liked it  
R+R

Mysti AKA 'Wax' 


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harry Potter or the characters so THERE!

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Ok So I know I haven't updated this story in ages so I think its about time I uploaded something, hope you like it.

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**Entering The School**

Professor McGongal unlocked the, huge, wooden, oak front door to Hogwarts and heaved it open. To her utmost surprise a still-very-greasy-and-exactly-the-same-to-before-he-killed-dumbledore-Snape stood on the doorstep.

"Good evening Severus, I thought you had joined the dark lord." Snape looked around for a second, then,

"Damn!!" and with that he ran off into the nearest (and most bulging) bush.

McGongal just shrugged and closed the door again. Snape had always been on the verge of losing it anyway, she thought. A few minutes later there was a knock at the door _again_. Wishing Snape would make up his mind and either come in or stay out, McGongal unlocked the, huge, wooden, oak front door to Hogwarts and heaved it open for the second time.  
She almost jumped backwards in surprise. Voldemort and his whole band of death eaters where standing on the doorstep, but the worst part of it was that every single one of them were either in drag or had the most disgusting outfit on she had ever seen. Was this their idea of muggle clothing?... No, even Voldemort was not that stupid...Then what on earth was he doing standing on the doorstep dressed in the frilliest, most disturbing pink and orange coloured dress with the look of death upon his face. He could have stepped out of a pantomime it was _that_ bad. -cue groaning-

"We want Potter!" He announced.

"Well you cant have him." She retorted.

"If you don't give him to me I will scream and scream until I'm sick!"

"I don't care how much you scream, but don't be sick, Filch just cleaned that step."

"But that's not fair!"

"Well as you can see, I don't play fair Mr Mort!" Voldemort almost fell off his step,

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?? ITS _MRS_ MORT!! CANT YOU SEE THE DRESS?"

Professor McGongal looked at him. He didn't seem to be his normal self. She never remembered the old Voldemort wearing panto clothes. As she stared at him, his blond topee slipped slightly to one side, then she realised. He must have gone loopy, he certainly looked mad, she always thought he would crack sooner or later. Or maybe he was never sane to start with. She wondered what she should do. Perhaps if she went and talked to Flitwick she could get some advise.

"I'm sorry _Mrs_Mort, I mistook you for someone else, why don't you wait inside while I go and fetch someone." she stepped aside and the bedraggled death eaters trooped in. Once Professor McGongal had gone, Voldemort signalled for everyone to gather round.

"Good going everyone, our disguises worked, shes obviously hoodwinked into thinking we're just some more seventh years who missed the train. Now I want you all to understand our plan, we are to stay at Hogwarts, pretending we're students, and then the first opportunity you get, you are to grab Potter, take him straight to me _unharmed_and I will summon the rest of you, got it?" Everyone sort of nodded stupidly, "good, now for the meantime, I want everyone to split up, we don't want to look suspicious now do we?..." He was stopped short as the door opened and professor McGongal re-entered.

"Well why don't you poor seventh years come in and start off towards your houses, missing the train is such a horrid thing to happen to _anyone_defiantly not the best start to your last year!" She smiled fakely at them. "you will find the head of your houses waiting at the common room door to let you in. Off you go then."

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If anyone has any advice or questions then I would love to hear it! Happy reading! :)  
Mysti AKA 'Wax'


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